Can life get longer or is it always getting shorter? Rest and be at peace Pop Pop. What is the deal with choices and why do I have to make them? You want to know who I really don’t trust?
Three things that will be spoken about in this post if you choose to read below. If not, good for you.
Choices can really fuck with you, having to chose between one thing and another. How much time do we spend living in the past based on a choice we just made or living in the future based on a choice that we will soon have to make? Really fucks with me. But as life gets a little more clear and I start to see my world as a lot smaller than I once did, I start to recognize what seems to be going on. It is almost as if there are patterns laid out right in front of my face telling me what to do, where to go, and how to make choices. I don’t have to do all of that much thinking about it. There is no wrong decision because I picked the only possible decision in that moment, and there is little to no time stressing over the idea that the decision I picked was wrong. Now, I can’t really say I live this practice to the fullest, I still think way too much but it is an ever on going process and I trust it more and more as time goes by.
Sure, in some ways this probably seems a little futile and melancholy, there is no choice, life is meaningless, bla bla bla bla. But if you get caught up thinking too much about whatever happening in that moment may mean, then you are still living in another space. You are not focused on the now.
I suppose this takes a lot of trust and trust isn’t the kind of thing that you can just wake up and hope to have some day. Takes some fucking hard work on your part (my part). I can’t push the idea of trust on anyone, it is not an idea to be pushed, it is simply something to be had, to try, to dive in to. What is the harm? Trust that your life is bringing you what you really deserve, no matter how good or bad you might seem to attach an idea to. Just try it, if you want. Maybe it is you resisting your life thanks to Mr. Asshole Fear.
Try trusting your life, what is the harm? Afraid that it might stay shitty and miserable like it has always been? Could it really get worse with a little trust? I could go on and on all day about the beauties of trusting yourself or shall I call it “the universe” as everyone else seems to be calling it these days, but none of that matters until you try. No different than learning how to skateboard (which I just did) or fishing for your first time in Williamsburg on pier (which I did today).
You know who I really don’t trust? No offense to this guy it’s just that they don’t know my eating habits but I can never trust the dude who is in charge of giving me enough napkins with the crappy greasy food that I just ordered for takeout. You never know what is going to be in that bag. Is it the thin and shitty napkins that they give you 30 of because every time you touch one it disintegrates in to nothingness? Is it the standard long rectangular solid white napkins? Or how about the no napkin, ever get one of those slipped by on you? Ruins your day doesn’t it? I just got a fully loaded falafel sandwich and no napkins!!!
Actually I lied, I went to Oasis for a late night dinner around 3am after a jam session with friends. They gave me napkins but I still used my good friend Mr. Paper towel. He is a lifesaver. I know what you are thinking “Bounty is way too expensive, I am going to buy the shitty knockoff brand.” Please don’t whatever you do. Bounty may be twice as much for a roll but it will last four times as long. Also, paper towels are something a delicacy around here to be used with patience, care and consideration. You don’t have to wipe something up and throw the towel out, man those things are sturdy, you can clean them and reuse them over and over again, unlike their shitty knock off neighbor. IF you are cooking, always use paper towels. I even save the ones that stay pretty clean for other uses. What a waste to throw our a perfectly good towel.
Okay, not really going to answer the first question from earlier, that is just silly. It might seem as though I am writing this to you, and for that I am, but I am essentially writing it to myself. Take it as you will. Words will be words.